now and then, I think of this madly unhappy part of the past: signing up for a job that sucked up all my life, ruined my personal life, and made me miss out a fraction of my glorious wonderful youth.
it was the deepest, darkest, one of the most unhappiest place I ever visited. chancing upon people that I never enjoyed their company... in the company.
avoiding their ridiculousness of endless gossip and bad intentions wasn't much help. it's like evil that needed to spread and flourish; poison seeping into the water wells. even if you didn't touch that nasty stuff, you could smell the reeking scent floating through the whole office. office politics and a string of problems that could never have a proper solution to. adding in people made of poison, you have the concoction for disaster. the disaster still exists. making its a living breathing tumor. not sure if it's still growing but it is still there.
I guess what is disturbing to me is meeting these people, who came from the realm of poison, on the streets. even as we never exchange any form of acknowledgement — which is perfectly fine by me who's hoping to go living my life — their faces simply reminded me of that awful part of life when every minute was ticking hell.
it's that reeking scent that trails on and on. it's that disturbing question that lingers in your mind "how on earth did I ever meet and work with these people? can that disturbing moment of the past ever disappear from my mind like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?"
I wonder what does it truly takes to move on:
reconcile with the past by visiting these people who were probably made of darkness due to the situation back then? after all, it was working with the people that disturbed me. witnessing the "best" of human behavior.
or, do I simply leave it alone and let time forget the haunting past of terrible work conditions and horrid colleagues?
whatever it is, I hope I find some closure to it.
