when in a bad situation,
just do what they do; boogie your way out and away.

sketchy sketchy
trying to conceptualize something out
but my head's pounding from lack of sleep
would love to hanging out beach front, feet in sand, whisky in hand, smokes in the other.
rock out, with my cock out.

sunday smokes. sunday fries and coke.

sometimes, just for kicks, I dream of myself being a fat, old, Italian mafia digging into a bowl of pasta and some toast at a old quiet gritty looking Italian restaurant. much like a scene of Godfather.

test-test:imacphotobooth

during grumpy mornings...

I hum and sing this shit
since I'm fighting a long battle with my 2,000 word essay due this Friday, I'm setting this on loop tonight.



barely 2 hours of sleep last night.
ranging this week and last week and avg. of 4hours of sleep per night.
stamina race, indeed. 5 more weeks. hanging on.

eyes on the prize.

EYES on the PRIZE.

and no where else.

think I am losing sight of the prize, navigation going wonky.

need to stay focus. ignore all the unnecessary distractions. keep my eyes on the prize at all times.

still can't decide what I should do for my major.
vexed.

3am. I should be doing work but I'm finding it hard to stay on track.

new iMac — WOOTS

ordered my iMac a week ago, and it's here! up and ready on my table top. woot!
okay. technically it was here last Friday, just that I was so goddamn busy with a TVC shoot for the past few days setting up got procrastinated till Laundry Sunday.

installing all the need software.
XCTED MUCH! with a bit of mixed feelings that my old desktop is now old and slow and (I hate to say it) going out the door. I love you old-desktop, you've been there for me for the last 7 years.

 

Laundry Sunday!

here's a'fat checking out my laundry tumbling around in the washing machine. 

btw, momsey is fostering this dog, which we are naming doby (yupp, inspired by Harry Porter). he can't find his owner, which we're thinking of adopting. momsey thinks it's fate, cos she got him on her birthday. my sis & I thinks it's just sheer coincidence. shrugs.

more later.
need to make a mad rush out.

everything.
absolutely everything needs a balance
and I desperately need to seek my life back and not let my life be solely dictated and controlled by a single point of focus.

I can't go six feet under without doing what I aim to accomplish in life.

some sort of dark unhappy place — enlightenment

just when I was pouring out my soul about work sucking up my life and blacking out a window of my life.

I discovered this on Facebook: Is there Life after Work? by Erin Callan. 
More coincidentally, it's written a few days ago. A few days ago which I so coincidentally started my self-reflection and thoughts about that dark hole in my life. 


glad I am not alone.

I sleep feeling sort of normal tonight.

I also pray hard I don't ever fall back into that sinister black black hole ever again.
not letting my life getting eaten up over work. and jeopardize my love for my significant other, my family and my friends for something that will not give me everything.

mental note: work is not everything. it is part of life, but it doesn't make the whole of your life.
about that sinister blacked out moment of life and those awful awful people: I'll to live on, forgive and forget. the best thing a man can ever do. take it like it has never happened. like a strange coma. 

adios.

some sort of dark unhappy place

now and then, I think of this madly unhappy part of the past: signing up for a job that sucked up all my life, ruined my personal life, and made me miss out a fraction of my glorious wonderful youth.

it was the deepest, darkest, one of the most unhappiest place I ever visited. chancing upon people that I never enjoyed their company... in the company.

avoiding their ridiculousness of endless gossip and bad intentions wasn't much help. it's like evil that needed to spread and flourish; poison seeping into the water wells. even if you didn't touch that nasty stuff, you could smell the reeking scent floating through the whole office. office politics and a string of problems that could never have a proper solution to. adding in people made of poison, you have the concoction for disaster. the disaster still exists. making its a living breathing tumor. not sure if it's still growing but it is still there.

I guess what is disturbing to me is meeting these people, who came from the realm of poison, on the streets. even as we never exchange any form of acknowledgement — which is perfectly fine by me who's hoping to go living my life — their faces simply reminded me of that awful part of life when every minute was ticking hell.

it's that reeking scent that trails on and on. it's that disturbing question that lingers in your mind "how on earth did I ever meet and work with these people? can that disturbing moment of the past ever disappear from my mind like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?"

I wonder what does it truly takes to move on:
reconcile with the past by visiting these people who were probably made of darkness due to the situation back then? after all, it was working with the people that disturbed me. witnessing the "best" of human behavior.
or, do I simply leave it alone and let time forget the haunting past of terrible work conditions and horrid colleagues?

whatever it is, I hope I find some closure to it.

I love the food on my table and on my TV screen...

I love food shows and I love my food. I love how it hovers across my TV screen and I can imagine a nice warm sunny glow appearing behind it, as if an angelic halo. its great. it looks great. it makes you feel great.

but when food is part of a "competitive sport", my heartaches. I guess I'm just not receptive to the idea of food being devoured instead of savored down to every bite.  this makes me find "Man Vs Food" hard to appreciate.

:(

blood

ewww nasty stuff

substainability for the human mind

my "ethernal sunshine of the spotless mind" moment; the daunting sick emotional baggage of humans are back to haunt and harm.

if no substainable change is made to last for eternity, then no amount of happiness and smiles will last. it will just fade rapidly over time.

glorious-sunray-basking sunday

and I've got these lines ringing in my head the moment I woke:
don't fuck with me,
don't fuck with me 
since you shipped my ass off to sea
lines running through my head again and again.
in the shower. as I did the dishes. as I did my laundry for the weekend.
so I racked up my itunes. song searching. and the track never stopped playing since.

stay home saturday

lame ass fun with my favorite necklace on a saturday night
one moment of fun
okay
back to doing work

shall find time to post up GLYPHWERK from last night
my significant other, shawn, is part of flag&mountains studio and his works are on GLYPHWERK
do check them out @ the reading room
fonts, posters and books for sale. 

kaytranada remixes as earworm for the night

arrogant people

"Pretend inferiority and encourage his arrogance." 
Sun Tzu